aeforia

I debated with myself for a long time about whether or not to release this project. I was afraid. Not just afraid of being judged for this idea, but even afraid of the idea itself. Is it going to be a step forward towards self improvement, as well as a way for others to share their own emotional experience as individuals? Or is it too big a leap?

For most of my life, I didn’t really question my place. But I often found myself being afraid of not really knowing where I belonged. Most of us spend so much time trying to find our place in this world. We want to find our purpose, our calling. For me, it is Art. 

I always say that my work is all about colors, balance, and emotion. I’ve always been inspired by all sorts of feelings when I create a new piece. Yet, I often end up finding myself unable to be completely honest about those feelings. It was easier for me to ignore and escape it by keeping myself busy all the time. No matter how hard I tried though, these fears kept lurking around.

They would come and go, linger then disappear. But not for long. Admitting this can be difficult at times, as appearing confident in every move we make seems like the norm. Especially online, we feel this visceral urge to talk solely about our achievements and successes. This results in a pressure that can be overwhelming at times.

We hide behind false perfection, when true art, or our true selves, come from our imperfections. Our insecurities. Our fears.

It's the fear of making a mistake, of disappointing others who believe in me, of missing out on great opportunities and ending up left behind, of being dishonest by not staying true to myself. It’s also the fear of being vulnerable: opening myself up to the world and showing my weaknesses. I’m getting cold fingers just typing these words. 

These are the fears that gravitate around me every single day. These are the fears that take a toll on me every single day. I’ve always tended to bottle up my feelings instead of being open about them. The thing is that in order to grow, I feel like it's important to recognize and accept them. By creating art about this topic, I can be honest and vocal about it. I think most of us struggle with these same fears, and sharing them with others can be a way to embrace, and possibly overcome them. Because I know that dwelling on these fears always turns out to be a waste of time. 

Over time, what I’ve come to learn is that being authentic, honest with myself, and focused on my own journey in order to improve is what helped me create healthier relationships with myself, the people around me, and my work as an artist.

This is why this collection of works is so dear to me. I spent countless hours on both the visuals and the sounds. I poured so much of myself into it. Each piece represents and is named after a fear: Disappoint, Dishonest, Left Behind, Mistake and Vulnerable.

Through their pose, their attitude, and their movement, they become an emblem of the fear they embody. I wanted to represent the different internal fears that make me question my confidence, value, and self-esteem. They are a kaleidoscope that reflects these different and seldom revealed aspects of myself.

However, they all show a glimmer of hope, a hint at the possibility of overcoming them. The serenity of the color and sound contrasts the darker form and the content. These pieces were intended to be stripped down of any artifice or unnecessary element. But at the end of the day, they are now yours to interpret. It is up to you to decide what these visuals truly mean and how they speak to you. 

They will also be encrypted on the blockchain. Thus you’ll be able to trace their origin and ownership forever. Tokenizing these fears is a way for me to acknowledge that they exist, that they are a part of my life, and that from now on, I can work progressively to move on and get past them. 

I wanted to shine a light on an aspect of my life that I’ve tried to keep in the dark. I hope that it can create a safe environment for people to discuss and confront their own fears in order to find ways to conquer them.

-A-